Communication Breakdown... The reason the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines squabble among themselves is that they don't speak the same language. For example, take a simple phrase like, "Secure the building." ? The Army will put guards around the place. ? The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors. ? The Air Force will take out a 5-year lease with an option to buy. ? The Marines will kill everybody inside and make it a command post.
"crap": Through the Eyes of the Military An Army grunt stands in the rain with a 35-pound pack on his back, 15-lb. weapon in his hand, having marched 12 miles, and says, "This is 'crap'." An Army Airborne Ranger stands in the rain with a 45-pound pack on his back, weapon in hand, after having jumped from a plane and jogged 18 miles, says with a smile, "This is good 'crap'." A Navy Seal lies in the mud, 55-pound pack on his back, weapon in hand, after swimming 10 miles to shore, crawling through a swamp, and running 25 miles at night past enemy positions, says with a grin, "This is really great 'crap'." A Marine, up to his nose in the stinking, bug-infested mud of a swamp with a 65-pound pack on his back and weapons in both hands after jumping from an aircraft at high altitude into the ocean, swimming 12 miles to shore, killing several alligators to enter the swamp, then crawling 30 miles through the brush to assault an enemy camp, says, "I love this 'crap'." An Air Force NCO sits in an easy chair in an air-conditioned, carpeted office in front of his computer and says, "My e-mail is out? What kind of "crap" is this?"
Jeep in the mud During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside. "Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is."
A Boy Named Sue A guy was telling about this girl Sue who disguised herself as a man and joined the army. "But, wait a minute," said his friend, "She'll have to dress with the boys and shower with them, too, won't she?" "Sure," replied the guy. "Well, won't they find out?" The guy shrugged. "Who's gonna tell?"
Shave and a haircut A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces. The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!" The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."
Military Truisms ? "Aim towards the Enemy." [Instruction printed on US rocket launcher] ? When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is no longer our friend. [From a US Field Manual] ? Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs always hit the ground. ? Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons. ? Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything. ? If your attack is going too well, you are walking into an ambush. ? If you find yourself in a fair fight, you didn't plan your mission properly. ? Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you. ? No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection. ? Any ship can be a minesweeper . . . . once. ? If the enemy is in range, so are you. ? Tracers work both ways. ? Friendly fire isn't. ? Five second fuses only last three seconds. ? Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are. ? The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it. ? Incoming fire has the right of way. ? The quartermaster has only two sizes: too large and too small. ? If you can see the enemy, he can see you. ? And never tell your Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.
50 ODD Things about you! If you opened this, FILL IT OUT! Learn 50 things about your friends, and let them learn 50 things about you!
1. Do you like blue cheese? Yes
2. Have you ever smoked heroin? Hahahaha! nope
3. Do you own a gun? not currently
4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic? been too long since I've been to a sonic... probably apple??
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? not usually
6. What do you think of hot dogs? not top on my list... yet there is a time and place for everything
7. Favorite Christmas song? White Christmas
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Depends on how how much I had to drink the night before--hahhaha!! no seriously orange juice
9. Can you do push ups? maybe one, maybe more, probably less than five.
11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? I only wear a ring,but I use to always wear a necklace, it was my favorite... converted it into a ring hence the ring I now wear...
12. Favorite hobby? sex, hahha, yeah I wish. thinking about sex. yeah whatever. probably reading... watching t.v.? supper active hobbies as you can tell.
14. Do you have A.D.D.? not really
15. What's one trait that you hate about yourself? I can be too nice at times and I feel the need to know everything...oh and I don't know how to shut up.
16. Middle name? Jean
17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment... Dumb ass dog. I think I may have a headache... I should totally be asleep.
18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday. yesterday...dude nothing memorable obviously.
19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink. Propel, apple-cranberry juice, gatorade
20. Current worry right now? life
21. Current hate right now? life
22. Favorite place to be? anywhere but here
23. How did you bring in the New Year? with a migraine
24. Where would you like to go? to visit a very special sexy man I met once or twice a life time ago... hahaha!
25. Name three people who will complete this. Goodness only knows
26. Do you own slippers? Yes, but I can never find both at the same time. they are frog slippers..
27. What shirt are you wearing? white v-neck
28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Yes, but they can be slippery--yet all good things are ;)
29. Can you whistle? Yes
30. Favorite color(s)? green, brown, burgundy
31. Would you be a pirate? AAAARRRRRRRRRRRRR!
32. What songs do you sing in the shower? I will never tell!
33. Favorite girl's name? Hannah I think... shot who am I kidding, it is Sarah of course
34. Favorite boy's name? elijah... or Adam... hahhaha, private joke there... maybe Ethan. quite in love with my Ethan
35. What's in your pocket right now? no pockets to speak of. usually, my cell, my smokes, a lighter, and some cash-- oh and chapstick
36. Last thing that made you laugh? this ridiculous questionnaire
37. Best bed sheets as a child? Disney
38. Worst injury you've ever had? blew out my knee... three surgeries later and here I am...
39. Do you love where you live? No
40. How many TVs do you have in your house? that work? 1 total? 2
41. Who is your loudest friend? oh god... they can all be pretty freaking loud. depends on what they are doing;)
42. How many dogs do you have? two
43. Does someone have a crush on you? kind of
45. What is your favorite book? Jeeze I read too many for just one favorite!
46. What is your favorite candy? some sort of maple fudge I think
47. What is your favorite sports team? Seriously don't have one anymore...
48. What song do you want played at your funeral? Oh man I haven't thought that far in advance
49. What were you doing 12 AM last night? Sleeping maybe
50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? I hate alarms.
The newlyweds A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other. The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. "Father," he said, "I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage. I love my fianc?e, very much, but you see, I have very smelly feet, and I'm afraid that my future wife will be put off by them." "No problem," said dad, "all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks, even to bed." Well, to him this seemed a workable solution. The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up her mom. "Mom," she said, "When I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful." "Honey," her mother consoled, "everyone has bad breath in the morning." "No, you don't understand. My morning breath is so bad, I'm afraid that my new husband will not want to sleep in the same room with me." Her mother said simply, "Try this. In the morning, get straight out of bed, and head for the bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you've brushed your teeth. Not a word," her mother affirmed. Well, she thought it was certainly worth a try. The loving couple were finally married in a beautiful ceremony. Not forgetting the advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence, they managed quite well. That is, until about six months later. Shortly before dawn, the husband wakes with a start to find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches the bed. This, of course, woke his bride and without thinking, she immediately asks, "What on earth are you doing?" "Oh, no!" he gasped in shock, "You've swallowed my sock!"
So I ment a nice man on-line. We exchanged friendly e-mails then things sort of naturally progressed into "harmless" flirting. the messages make me smile... and other things. If any thing it has benefited my husbands se x life and made me all around a happier girl to be around. I know how I feel about it, but I'm curious to hear what other people think. Is it okay to have a fantasy relationship? Are their rules or boundaries that would make it okay for you?
TWO NEW ADDITIONS TO THE PERIODIC TABLE OF ELEMENTS
1) Element Name: WOMANIUM Symbol: WO Atomic Weight: (don't even go there) Physical properties: Generally soft and round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts when treated properly. Very bitter if not used well. Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen. Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income-reducing agent known. Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands!
2) Element Name: MANIUM Symbol: XY Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50) Physical properties: Solid at room temperature but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples. Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with KD (Element: CHILDIUM) for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol. Usage: None known. Possibly a good methane source. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command. Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.
Okay I'm not going to say I'm personally all that bad when I go to the ATM, but I do have to admit some slight similarities... hope you laugh!
Please note that the bank is installing new "Drive-through" teller machines. Customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To enable customers to use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up. Please read the procedure that applies to your own circumstances (i.e.MALE or FEMALE) and remember them when you use the machine for the first time.
MALE PROCEDURE
* 1 Drive up to the cash machine.
* 2 Put down your car window.
* 3 Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
* 4 Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
* 5 Retrieve card, cash and receipt
* 6 Put window up
* 7 Drive off
FEMALE PROCEDURE
* 1 Drive up to cash machine
* 2 Reverse back the required amount to align car window to machine
* 3 Set parking Brake, Put the window down
* 4 Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
* 5 Turn the radio down
* 6 Attempt to insert card into machine
* 7 Attempt to insert card into machine
* 8 Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car
* 9 Insert card
* 10 Re-insert card the right way up
* 11 Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside of the back page
* 12 Enter PIN.
* 13 Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
* 14 Enter amount of cash required
* 15 Check make up in rear view mirror
* 16 Retrieve cash and receipt
* 17 Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside
* 18 Place receipt in back of checkbook
* 19 Re-check make-up again
* 20 Drive forward 2 feet
* 21 Reverse back to cash machine
* 22 Retrieve card
* 23 Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided
* 24 Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male drivers queuing behind.
Police Story: Lady calls up police department: Officer, there is a man exposing himself in the next building. Dispatcher: OK, we'll be right over, lady. (Five minutes later at her apartment.) Officer: Which way, lady? Lady: This way officer, he's still shamelessly baring himself. Officer: Where is he, lady? I don't see no naked man. Lady: Oh, you have to look through this telescope.
Weighty Fortune After the holidays and all those delightful, seasonal treats, a husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tells your fortune and weight. He drops in a coin and eagerly reads the results. "Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and an absolutely great lover in bed!" "Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too."
Secrets for a Happy Life in Men! 1. It is important to find a woman that cooks and cleans. 2. It is important to find a woman that makes good money. 3. It is important to find a woman that likes to have sex. 4. It is important that these three women never meet.
So what's your story?? I was giving your profile a look and it says you are only looking for friends. that's great. your postings have all been great--totally worthy of comment. Heck I don't have to agree with you all the time to respect you :) and like that you are an active poster and have opinions. But what is up with yor main picture? It is so... well more than just looking for friends kind of picture. you have tons of cute pictures on your profil, but that one by far is the sexiest--why did you choose to have that one as your main picture? And why did you include the pictures of the hot guys? not that I, or probably any of our fellow females here mind the addition, but i was just curious about them--like who the heck are they?? you need some caption on those bad boys!hahha!! of course now anyone that reads this will have to go check them out ;) okay well that was kind of it, thanks for being on here, it is great to have some one who's opinons I find interesting. Oh yeah, the thing that started the whole curiosity in the first place-- your name, how did you come up with your screen name for this site? what does it mean? --S
For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is: In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects...Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system.
Simple Duties:
You make the bed..+1 You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pllows..0 You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets..-1 You leave the toilet seat up..-5 You leave the toilet lid down..-10 after the lights are out..-30 You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty..0 When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex..-1 When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom..-2 You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings..+5 But return with beer ..-5 You check out a suspicious noise at night ...0 You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing..0 You check out a suspicious noise and it's something..+5 You pummel it with a six iron..+10 It's her father..-10
Social Engagements:
You stay by her side the entire party..0 You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy..-2 Named Tiffany..-4 Tiffany is a dancer..-6 Tiffany has implants..-8
Her Birthday:
You take her out to dinner..0 You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar ......+1 Okay, it is a sports bar..-2 And it's all-you-can-eat night..-3 It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team..-10
A Night Out With The Boys:
Go out with a pal ..-5 And the pal is happily married ..-4 Or frighteningly single ..-7 And he drives a Mustang..-10 With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED) ..-15
A Night Out:
You take her to a movie..+2 You take her to a movie she likes..+4 You take her to a movie you hate..+6 You take her to a movie you like..-2 It's called Death Cop 3..-3 Which features cyborgs having sex..-9 You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans .........-15
Your Physique:
You develop a noticeable potbelly..-15 You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it....+10 You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts ..-30 You say "I don't give a damn because you have one too"...-800
The Big Question:
She asks, "Do I look fat?" ..-5 You hesitate in responding..-10 You reply, "Where?"..-35
Communication:
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression ..0 When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes..+5 You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV..+10 She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep..-20
Here's a lovely little joke about the complexities of women...
A young fella was strolling down a street in San Fransisco when he tripped over an old oil lamp. Picking it up, he quickly hid it inside his jacket, realising it's potential worth. Heading swiftly towards the nearest antiques shop, the lamp rubbed against his shirt. Suddenly - POOF - a genie popped out from his pocket. Now the Genie looked extremely angry and said, "Alright, I've had it up to hear with this 3 wish nonsense, and because you stole me away from my favorite HBO show, I'm only giving you one wish!"
Looking surprised, the man said: "Ok, I wish to live in Hawaii, in a large condo near the beach, with millions of dollars and a plethora of gorgeous ladies on call...but I'm afraid of boats and planes so I want you to build a bridge from here to Hawaii."
The genie replied with a smirk: "You're crazy, right? Do you realise just how long that's gonna take? All those pillars and cement??? Sorry bud, it simply can't happen!"
The man sighed, but smiled and said: "Fair enough then. Instead, I want to understand women."
The genie replied: "Would you like two lanes or four?"
hey guys the kids and I just had a great day at sea world with my grandparents down here in sunny sd and I just wanted to share and send a smile out to you all. I find I have less time than usual to spend on the computer while we are traveling, but that is a good thing. Talk to you all soon I'm sure!
I'm visiting family and friends over on the "left coast" as someone put it the other day. Back home in California where it is suppose to be all warm and sunny every day. I've got a wedding to go too on Saturday up in wine country and then next week it is down south back home to San Diego to see my old friends and more family... and maybe even cross paths with an old boyfriend. As I write this on the 6th of october... thinking of how nice it is just to be back home and free to do whatever I want really (it is just me and my kids, my husband decided to stay home) I'm conflicted. It is also my 5th wedding anniversary and my husband and I talked 3 times before he threw in an "oh yeah, by the way, happy anniversary" That is my romantic life with him. I joked with my friends that he was glad I would be out of town because it would take the pressure off of him to get me anything since he hasn't for the past two years and probably wouldn't this year and i would just end up in tears again. Yes, this is the pitty me blog and feel free to comment and direct my life blog.
Okay who has a fovaorite beatles song, and/or record?? and of course what is it?
I don't know if I could pick just one song, but I do have a favorite record. it would be Abbey road. I listened to it over and over and over durring a period of time in my life. It makes me smile ;)
this one's for you Aussie...well and anyone else who cares to comment of course;)
So your new "boyfriend" (that is such a silly word I actually giggle when I say it!) is 29? so he is a tad bit younger-- not much but just a bit, still none the less it brings up dating younger men... Have you done any of that in the past? Did you have a general age range most men fell into whom you dated?? Like I usually dated older guys but never much more than 11 years older. generally 5-8 years older. now I'm married to someone almost 3 years younger, one of the only younger people I ever dated. kinda weird. And yes I do go for that whole age doesn't really mean anything, especially such a small age difference as you have with your beau but it was just an interesting topic to bring up. should have started a whole freaking blog for it. whatever.
That is super COOL about the free care packages!! How awesome is Australia!
So how long did yousay his deployment is? over here in the states it is all over the news how the deployments will be longer with less time spent state side between. Sucks, especially for branches like the Army which seem to have generally longer deployments than Navy.
So I have no idea what an RAFF 29 or what ever it was that you said he was is. Did that sentence even make sense? whatever I hope you got the point. Share with me if you want:)
okay that about rounds it out for me. I'll look forward to your replies. and you can let him know we are thinking of him and bloggin about him too ;)!!!
okay I've been here a while now, I thought I had this whole blogging thing figured out. we reply to someones topic the next day or so that topic moves up top sort of letting everyone know there is a new post on that subject, right???? Am I wrong? Because on the 16th I replied to some oldies and they didn't move. and it isn't like I was saying anything brilliant that I really expected to set off all kinds of discussion, but hey now what the heck?? I'm tired of seeing teach me how to love up there in the top ten when NO ONE has had anything to reply to the guy on it since it was posted yet I have to go and search for something I know I posted a couple of days ago. I mean what other interesting postings of other peoples have I missed??? here I was thinking things were just getting boring but maybe they are just burried under non-stimulating topics that haven't moved in days. what's up with that? am I the only one who has noticed? Hello, administrator??? Earth to administrators... oh and where is my spell check??
